identify your limiting beliefs—really fast

a step-by-step guide to understanding and identifying limiting beliefs, which i'm designing as a workbook for future clients.

hey all,

for months, i’ve been trying to figure out a way to most easily identify the limiting beliefs that keep us back from some of the biggest breakthroughs in our thought and behavior, and ultimately our ability to fulfill our highest values. i’ve taken some great trainings about the subject from people like marley rose harris, a mindset business coach, damon cart, an nlp instructor, and steve andreas, who created the self-concept model for allowing us to access and re-arrange our subconscious to support our values and goals.

after working with several clients, i’ve tried to figure out if there’s a more foolproof way to identify our limiting beliefs so that they’re finally aired out like dirty laundry, visible and dissectible and deconstructable.

in other words, transformable so they can serve us rather than hinder the actions we take toward our great values and dreams.

so here’s the first draft of a workbook i’ve been working on, which has some work going for it in terms of more simplification in the process i outline, but for now, i want it to best tested by those who are interested, so i can hear where it helps and where people get stuck at the moment.

the workbook includes a very short and simple introduction to limiting beliefs, what they are, why it’s important to identify them, and then finally the four step process for their identification.

once i’m finished with this workbook, it’ll become one of my initial ways to help my clients identify parts of themselves that they took for granted, and held them back for way too long! i’m excited to finally make a more perfect process, and thank all those above who helped influence the structure of it.

thanks for reading this pre-introduction, now let’s get into it.

identify your limiting beliefs—really fast.

introduction on limiting beliefs

limiting beliefs are like faulty computer programs running in the background of your mind. they are based on old ways of thinking that you picked up over the years, and after a while, these beliefs don’t serve you anymore because your priorities and desires evolve as you continue to grow into yourself.

these beliefs are often formed in childhood and through significant emotional events. they can hold you back in all areas of your life—relationships, career, personal growth, etc.—because they usually manifest as negative self-talk, persistent doubts, or a general feeling of being stuck, even when you see exactly what you need to do to move forward.

they're like invisible barriers that prevent you from taking risks, pursuing your goals, and experiencing joy.

but here's the good news: you have the power to rewrite these programs so that they will serve you now.

this workbook is designed to help you uncover those hidden beliefs and begin your journey toward a life without those limitations.

by identifying and challenging these beliefs, you can break free from these self-imposed restrictions and create a life that aligns with your true potential and desires.

why is it so important to discover your limiting beliefs?

beliefs of every kind shape your reality: limiting beliefs, just like empowering beliefs, act like filters that influence how you perceive the world and yourself. they distort your perspective, causing you to focus on perceived threats and shortcomings, while overlooking opportunities and strengths.

getting loaded up with unidentified limiting beliefs can lead to a skewed and often negative view of your potential and the possibilities available to you.

they drive your actions: because of the reality filter that beliefs cause for you, self-fulfilling prophecies will cause you to commit to actions that actually hold you back, even when it looks like you’re trying to move forward. for example, if you believe you're not worthy of success, you might try pursing challenging opportunities, but each time you have a setback, you can reinforce this belief of being unworthy, and decide to give up more easily than someone that doesn’t have this belief.

in psychology, this is called “behavior extinction”, where a behavior is weakened without proper positive reinforcement.

these acts of giving up come from fear and doubt and perpetuate a cycle of limitation, making it difficult to break free from negative patterns.

you can work toward your highest self when you overcome limiting beliefs: by identifying and changing these beliefs, you open yourself up to new possibilities and opportunities. this newfound freedom from perceived limitations empowers you to pursue your dreams with more confidence, resilience, and a profound sense of self-worth, paving the way for a life that is aligned with your highest values.

step 1: identify the areas where you feel stuck

grab a journal and pen. if you have a digital journal, go for that instead. in which areas do you feel stuck, frustrated, or like you're not reaching your full potential?

consider specific situations or patterns in each area where you experience these feelings. for example, in your career, you might feel stuck in a dead-end job, despite your qualifications and desire for growth. in relationships, you may find yourself repeatedly attracting partners who are emotionally unavailable, leading to frustration and disappointment.

think about these different areas of your life, and with each area, ask “what do you want?”:

• physical body - what habits support or detract from your physical health? how do you feel in your body, and what does it need most right now?

• mental mind - are your thoughts helping or hindering your goals? how do you respond to stress or challenges mentally?

• spiritual - what practices connect you to your higher self or inner peace? how are you growing spiritually or personally, and what’s the next step on your journey?

• career/business - how are you doing in your business/vocation? is your work aligned with your values and passions?

• relationships/family - what kind of energy are you bringing into your relationships? how do you contribute to your family dynamics, and is it aligned with your values?

• financial - how does money treat you, and what is your relationship with money? what beliefs about money shape your financial decisions?

• passions/hobbies/self-care - what activities bring you joy? how often do you allow yourself to indulge in them?

write down these areas. be as specific as possible, noting the particular aspects of each area that cause you the most concern while describing what you want out of them.

step 2: explore the obstacles to what you want.

for each area you identified, dig deeper.

• what are your pain points? what are the specific situations or triggers that cause you distress or discomfort when trying to get what you want?

• what are the recurring problems or obstacles you face? do you notice any patterns or repeated setbacks that seem to prevent you from making progress?

• what are the negative emotions you experience in these situations? do you feel anxiety, fear, sadness, anger, or shame?

• write down the specific challenges and feelings associated with each area. this detailed exploration will help you connect your emotional responses to the underlying issues and patterns in your life.

step 3: find the hidden advantage to these obstacles

limiting beliefs often have a "hidden advantage"—a reason why your brain holds on to them.

it's usually rooted in a fear, a perceived threat, or an illogical association made to keep you feeling safe. these hidden advantages can be subtle and difficult to recognize, as they often operate beneath the level of conscious awareness.

ask yourself:

• what am i scared of happening if i achieve my goal in this area? (what potential negative consequences or risks do you associate with success?)

  • example: if i succeed, i'm scared i won't be able to handle the pressure.

  • hidden advantage: i don’t have to test my true capabilities by avoiding success.

• what am i afraid of losing? (what comforts, securities, or relationships do you fear might be jeopardized if you were to change or grow?)

  • example: i'm afraid that if i pursue my passion, i'll lose the security of my current job.

  • hidden advantage: i can keep my job security by not following my passions.

• who am i afraid of losing or disappointing? (whose expectations or approval do you worry about, and how might your success or change affect those relationships?)

  • example: i'm afraid of disappointing my parents if i don't follow the career path they've chosen for me.

  • hidden advantage: i can keep the approval of my parents by following their choices for me.

• why might it feel easier or safer to stay where i am? (what familiar patterns or routines might you be reluctant to give up, even if they're not serving you?)

  • example: it's easier to maintain my current habits, even if they're not serving me, because they're comfortable.

  • hidden advantage: i don’t have to be uncomfortable by changing toward healthier habits

• what are you running away from? (what uncomfortable emotions, past traumas, or unresolved issues might you be subconsciously avoiding by clinging to your limiting beliefs?)

  • example: i'm avoiding feelings of vulnerability, so i keep people at a distance.

  • hidden advantage: i don’t have to feel sensitive to others if i keep others away

remember, limiting beliefs are attempting to filter your reality with statements about yourself that might have kept you away from failure, embarrassment, or vulnerability in the past, but are now hindering you from doing really positive things in your life.

these limiting beliefs think you’re risking a lot just by starting your own business, following your passions, or finding a healthy partnership, and they’re trying to pull you away from those actions and behaviors.

with all the questions above, you’re subconsciously telling yourself: “i avoid (x positive outcome) so i can keep satisfying the comfortable (y hidden advantage) because of my belief that (z limiting belief)”

step 4: the limiting belief behind the hidden advantage

there’s no easy formula for converting from hidden advantages to limiting beliefs. it usually takes some talking through with someone else before you get to a realization. but let’s go for it anyway!

let’s recap: what you did so far before this last step:

you identified a positive outcome you're avoiding: think about what you truly desire but have been holding back from achieving.

this could be anything – starting a business, pursuing a creative project, entering a new relationship, or making a significant life change.

you pinpointed the comfortable feeling you're getting from avoiding it: explore the reasons why you might be avoiding this positive outcome. what are the subtle comforts or securities you're clinging to by staying in your current situation?

this could be the avoidance of failure, the maintenance of a familiar routine, or the preservation of existing relationships, even if they're not entirely fulfilling.

now we’ll identify the limiting that connects the two by working with the above statement: “i avoid (x positive outcome) so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling of (y hidden advantage) because of my belief that (z limiting belief)”

here are some examples of me filling out the entire statement:

• example: i avoid business success so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling of not having to test my limits because of my belief that i can’t really handle a successful business.

• example: i avoid pursuing my passion so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling of being secure in my current job because of my belief that i can’t have security in following my passions.

• example: i avoid choosing a different vocation for myself so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling of having my parent’s approval because of my belief that i can’t have my parent’s approval by choosing my own path.

• example: i avoid changing my habits to something healthier so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling that my current habits give me because of my belief that i can’t be comfortable with healthy habits.

• example: i avoid close relationships so i can keep satisfying the comfortable feeling of not being vulnerable because of my belief that if i open myself up to others, i’ll be hurt.

now for you: articulate the limiting belief that fuels the hidden advantage and keeps you avoiding your positive outcomes.

this limiting belief is the core reason why you're avoiding growth and change. it's the story you're telling yourself that makes staying in your comfort zone feel safer than pursuing your dreams.

consider how my examples mostly use “i can’t…”

what do you think you can’t do that keeps you from your dreams? what do you believe about yourself right now that causes your subconscious to say “that would be nice, but…”?

if you’re getting stuck, try using these plug and play phrases as well to find your limiting belief.

• "i'm not good enough for (x positive outcome) because..." (i’m not good enough for being a good sibling because i have too many personal problems right now.)

• "i can't have/do (x positive outcome) because..." (i can’t have more money because i’m not good with, and even if i won the lottery tomorrow, it would just go away somehow.)

• "i'm afraid that if i try to accomplish (x positive outcome)..., then..." (i’m afraid that if i start having a supportive partner, then i’ll find out i’m the one with the real issues.)

be creative. be open. be free. consider all possibilities. it doesn’t have to just be one.

by coming up with limiting beliefs that truly speak to you, you are transforming desires and their obstacles into a personal process for uncovering your own limiting beliefs.

this is what i have so far, and i still need a conclusion, but that’s not as important as the process so far. i invite any reader to test it out and let me know if it helped them identify a limiting belief in their life!

the magic of personal development work is that recognition is already a huge step on its own, and that we can at least help catch ourselves getting caught up in these beliefs even if we don’t yet have the tools to neutralize or transform the belief into something more empowering.

this is why i’m developing another workbook that helps you move from identification to transformation. this is going to be a powerful one, and i’m excited to share it with all of you in the next few weeks!

thanks for reading everyone.

—dom