Movie Myths for Therapy; The Limits of Language for Coaching

New techniques in change work are avoiding content to better access a client's inner experience.

Since at least the 60s, the film industry took an interest in depicting therapy, whether in comedies or dramas. Nowadays, you can probably ask anyone in the West—adults or teenagers or otherwise—what therapy looks like, and they'll have the therapist with a pen at their chin, asking "And how does that make you feel?" and the client laying down on a couch ranting about their personal life.

While funny that we've made this generalization up about therapy, it's also an important factor for how we approach therapy in real life. Clients, new and old, have expectations about how a therapist works:

1. The therapist introduces themselves and their credentials, and asks "So, what do you have going on?"

2. The client is then allowed to dump on the therapist about what they think they have, what might be the cause, and what it's caused for them.

3. If the client is guarded, then the therapist continues to ask questions and build rapport with the client, until the client will finally be comfortable to do step 2.

This expectation about the client-therapist relationship can create a profound obstacle for actual change:

The therapist, wanting the client to like them and to be more open, will take in more information than needed for their methodology of treatment. They also recognize that the client's dump will make the client feel better by the end of the session, even though they haven't even found a concrete intervention to make any change.

The client, sharing all of these details in the hope that it allows the therapist to do their best work—and to blow off some steam that they can't with friends and family—further cements their problems by finding more eloquent ways to describe their suffering.

But the client's issue that's been ongoing for 15 years would likely need almost 15 years of unpacking to be truly feel understood.