the myth of spiritual purity / the end of everyone else's "shoulds"

thinking beyond rituals and silent rooms and finding truth in commitment to daily life.

the people i’ve known to go to monasteries, whether christian, buddhist or otherwise, were seeking to get away. they wanted to avoid the noise and action of day-to-day life and focus solely on their spiritual development.

of course, the ones i’ve known to go are back, because it just wasn’t the life for them. maybe it was a bit too monotonous. or more likely, because it wasn’t as they expected.

we act as if the capital-t truth were hidden in rituals and silent rooms, rather than in the noise and clashes of evolving human interaction. but only the select few can handle such a thing.

but only a select few can handle being a monk as only a select few can handle being a tech ceo! our near-limitless diversity in preferences afford us millions of different lifestyles to adopt or create. someone chose a hard floor and being mute and another chose server infrastructure.

there are still hierarchies, egos, ambitions in monasteries, because there are still humans there. this supposed “spiritual purity” is a rare thing, mostly because it’s a myth. the monk chose to live life differe

there is an imposed hierarchy to this myth: there are those who can, and those who cannot. the haves and have-nots. some of us hold a piece of guilt for being a have-not, even though they have every opportunity to drop the mcmansion and go to a monastery in central california.

again, this is because there’s a vague “should” around focused spiritual activity, even though in reality most people don’t want to engage with it.

but the good news is that there is no real “should” in life, and most of us don’t live in a monastery because it’s not the life we want. the monastery is a lifestyle decoration, just like denim jeans, tattoos, and an expensive sports car.

we adorn ourselves in these decorations to remind us that we are “I” and “me” every day. if we didn’t care about “I” and “me”, we wouldn’t have made such stringent “shoulds” in our life with which we compare ourselves to others.

“I” and “me” cause hierarchy. “I” before you. “I” before us. we must prioritize ourselves first so that we can then do things with others, for others.

there are no “shoulds”, and the spiritual hierarchy is bullshit. what are we after then? i believe we’re after the feeling of full alignment between our actions and values, and it doesn’t matter what lifestyle decorations we put on to get us to this alignment.

this feeling of full alignment might be simply summarized as “fulfillment”. i like the word because we are filling up the gaps between who we think we are right now, and who we want to be (at this moment) with actions and behaviors.

our actions are the bridge between wanting and being. is the tech ceo fulfilled? they could be. i hope so. is the monk fulfilled? they could be. i also hope so.

but should we all be tech ceos or monks? absolutely not! because our values, while seemingly similar in verbiage (freedom, contentment, justice, love, etc.) are loaded up very differently because of our personal experiences, so we will continue to work toward our values in very different ways.

what’s beautiful about all of this is that you don’t have to follow anyone else’s shoulds—especially not my own—to reach the spiritual fulfillment you desire. there is no hierarchy. everyone is a have and have-not, they just don’t realize where they have it and where they don’t.

some people don’t care about recognizing this, and they’re either happier or unhappier for it. it really doesn’t matter.

but of course you’re reading this because you do care, and here’s the best model for fulfillment that i’ve found: discover your highest values, and double-check once in a while whether your actions are enacting them. it’s as simple as that.

but of course simplicity doesn’t always mean easy, does it? re-aligning can take days, months, years; sometimes you just don’t realize why you do what you do, and when you finally find the truth behind your actions, your personal world will change.

but unlike the monk, the rest of us should commit to more action to discover what is aligned and what isn’t; what fulfills and what doesn’t. we won’t know until we commit and do.

and yes, i snuck a should right up there. commitment to your own happiness sometimes takes a little extra commitment than only accepting what is. tear down everyone else’s shoulds, and construct your own and see how it works for you.

tear your shoulds back down if they cause guilt and shame, or continue building them up if they are getting you to where you want to go. just realize you had the privilege of setting them up yourself to achieve your highest wants and desires.

thanks for reading,

—dom